Out of the Depths

I long to live a life from the depths.  No longer will I be content with the shallow places along the edge.  No longer will I be satisfied with noble effort and moral fortitude.  No longer will I pat myself on the back for duties performed and commands obeyed.  I will not be content in the shallow places, those places where my will is enough, where my ambitions have the appearance of godly, where my strength is sufficient.  I will not rest in a faith where success is measured by what I am capable of or what I can accomplish.  Perhaps we all come to the faith, from the edge and into the shallow places, but I hear a whisper beckoning me to, "Come deeper."

I long to swim to that place where I can no longer touch.  I yearn to leave behind the safety of being able to grab hold of the edge if I get tired.  I long to be in the middle of the depths, to live from the depths of God's love and grace, His mercy and forgiveness.  I long to be swallowed up by His faithfulness and to feel the crashing waves of his purifying power washing over me.  In the deep end I will be hidden in Christ for I can no longer stand on my own.  From the depths, I am reminded that all those things I once prided myself in are nothing compared to the surpassing glory of God's vast abyss of steadfast love.  It aches in me, this desire for the depths. 

But to swim, I must let go...of fear, of anxiety, of control.  I understand the cost, or at least I think I do...perhaps that's why I have lingered in the shallow for so long.  It will cost me...Me!  I must be willing to give myself up to be found fully in Christ.  I must be willing to measure the significance of my life not by affirmation or reward, but by total immersion and self-abandonment.  I realize that no one arrives at the depths by way of an easy path.  As we swim we are met by any number of hindrances.  Swimming to the depths is a path that ultimately pushes us beyond ourselves where we come face to face with our demons along the way.  But the deeper I swim, the more I am lost in the rich depths of grace, and then perhaps those demons are subdued.  Demons are drowned out in the depths. 

Oh Lord, I hear your voice beckoning me, "Come deeper."  Grant me, Oh Lord, the courage to swim, to leave behind the safety of the shallow faith, to relinquish control.  May the practice of my baptism become the reality of my life, that having submerged my old self, drowned out what once was, that I would emerge in Christ and in Him alone.  It's with great trepidation that I pray this prayer, "Lord lead me to Your depths, whatever that journey may mean."  God even as I write those words, I grasp for the edge.  But I resist.  Catch me up in the divine undertow of grace, pull me from shore, draw me out to the sea.  Help me to live the faithful life that emerges from the depths.