Road to Relapse

HALT! Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired!
It’s the acronym I was introduced to throughout my recovery journey. It’s the acronym that invites a person to recognize the warning signs that might lead to a relapse. HALT! Don’t allow yourself to get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Well, this season isn’t the easiest to self-regulate for a lot of people. This morning in my quiet time I found myself praying fervently for my friends still navigating their recovery journey. As I prayed, I was reminded of the ten moves I learned throughout my recovery journey.

To those of you that are struggling right now, tempted to act on your addiction, to succumb to both the impulsivity and compulsivity of your hurt, habit, and hang-up, I share these thoughts with you.

1. DRAW NEAR: Shame isolates. When we feel weak or perhaps we’ve already stumbled shame settles in. When it does it pushes us from the grace-filled healing presence of Jesus. Remember what James writes, 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. This is not a moment to run from, but to run towards Jesus.
2. TURN OVER: Stop white-knuckling your pain and addiction. You are trying to will your way out of your struggle and you are becoming weary. Turn it over to the Lord right now. Open up the palms of your hands, put it on display, confess, and give it to Jesus.
3. STAY ALERT: Know your triggers. What are the danger signs? Where are you starting to flirt with temptation or nurse a justification to act out? It’s time to pause, self-reflect, take note and CALL YOUR SPONSOR!!
4. GET UP: Too late Jeff, I’ve already stumbled. Well, don’t just lay there in the mess of shame and failure. Get up! Today is a new day. Recovery is one day at a time. So you lost your 6 month coin, there’s another one waiting for you. Get up and lean into this day!
5. GET OUT: If you are in a situation or moment that you know you shouldn’t be. If you are facing a temptation that will take you past your breaking point, get out! Get out of the house and go for a walk. Get out of that group and CALL YOUR SPONSOR! Get out of the liquor store and did I mention...CALL YOUR SPONSOR.
6. BE COURAGEOUS: Recovery is not for the weak of heart. You know the difference between people in recovery and everyone else, people in recovery had the courage to admit they had an issue. Most others just hide their hurt, habit, and hang-up. You are bold and courageous. That’s why you are in recovery. Live in the grace of the strength and power the Lord has given you.
7. TURN AROUND: Otherwise known as repent. If you are doing it, stop! about face, and go the other way. Repentance isn’t a one time affair. Do it over and over again, anytime you find yourself walking toward destruction instead of toward the life giving-grace of Jesus.
8. BE HONEST: Feeling aren’t facts. We know this. Survey your situation honestly. Take inventory. Write down what you are feeling. Rehearse it with someone you trust or CALL YOUR SPONSOR. Ask for faithful feedback. Don’t deny to others when you are struggling. Don’t make excuses for the missteps. Bring it to light. There is freedom in the light.
9. SELF-CARE MATTERS: You and I both know this pandemic has thrown off any semblance of routine. That’s not always good for us going through recovery. Take care of yourself. Watch what you are eating. Get out for a walk. Maintain a day off from the stresses of work. Get up at the same time each morning. Don’t scroll late into the evening. Take care of yourself.
10. LOVE FIERCELY: The best way out of the mess, love someone else. Turn the attention away from yourself and toward others. Call someone. Email someone. Go get groceries for someone. Pray for someone. Turn the attention away from your pain and toward the need of someone else.

Breaking the Dependency Addiction

As pastors scramble to figure out new and creative ways to deliver content and keep the momentum of the church going amid the pandemic crisis, internally I feel two very contradictory emotions. First, as a pastor for 17 years, I empathize with the mounting pressures, the need to communicate to the people clearly, the desire to see the church move forward with as little disruption possible, the care for those who will be lonely and isolated, and the financial pressures that congregational (not to mention the pastoral) families must feel. Having been on multiple calls over the last several days, I’ve heard and felt all of this. (If you are an enneagram fan, I’m a 1 Wing 2).  

Secondly, I felt something else. Pause with me for a moment...little context. I’m a missional theologian by academic trade. What this means is that I spend the better part of my academic and professional life thinking about, teaching, and writing about the church’s posture toward the world. Who are we as the church in this world of the sake of the Kingdom of God?  This is the question that I ask constantly!  

Now...back to that second something I felt. I felt like shouting, “Wait!! NOT SO FAST! There is an opportunity here.” God has a way of providentially showing up in the most disruptive seasons to reveal himself in ways that in seasons of equilibrium we might have missed. We can’t take disruption and simply try to adjust the chaos to our sense of equilibrium. We must go through the disruption. We must go through the chaos, allowing the Lord to take our hand and lead us faithfully.  

Friends, this is an opportunity. This is an opportunity to stop feeding decades worth of dependency addiction in the church. For too long, the church has been criticized as being consumeristic, marketing for and catering to the “spiritual needs” of a market base. This insidious culture of consumerism has placed all the weight on the church to operate as distributor of spiritual goods and services and on pastors to be the content delivery systems. We've over-programmed and created popularity platforms for pastors. We’ve created systems that enable Christians to move from week to week dependent on the product packaged and delivered for them.  We've cheated the church in the creation of these systems. 

What if this disruption is the inflection point the breaks the addiction on dependency?  

What if as churches we seized this as an opportunity for empowerment? 

1. What if in this season we were less concerned about packaging content and more intentional about training our people to engage the content of the Scriptures faithfully and on their own or in technologically connected groups?   
2. What if instead of finding ways to apologize for the goods and services out of commission, we turn our attention to helping our people think of creative ways they can love and bless their neighbors?   
3. Pastors, what if instead of feeling responsible to provide care for every single person in your congregation, you identified some people in your congregation that have the shepherding gift (that aren’t pastors) and empower them to begin to extend that care in creative ways.  
4. What if we spent less energy of packaged content in this time and more about connecting with our communities and agencies, funneling finances that might have been used for shut down programs toward those in need?  
5. What if the church that emerges from this looks nothing like the church that entered into this time of disruption?  
6. What if the church that emerges is less dependency-based and more empowered and equipped across the congregation to bear witness to the goodness and grace of God wherever they find themselves?  

What if instead of attempting to conduct “business as usual” (as much as possible), you instead asked... "What if this is an opportunity for business to change?” Take advantage of this disruption. It is in the disruption that, if allowed, the Spirit of God will transform our missional imaginations.  

Your friend and servant in Christ... 

Jeff Stark